Hi and welcome... I am Lori. For the past 25 years I was a wife and mother, then all of that changed when one day my (ex) husband decided he wasn't happy. He wanted a divorce. We actually differ on how this all worked out initially, but the end result is the divorce was finalized on February 7th.
Before we got married, I essentially lived with my parents. There were times when I lived on my own, but never for more than 6 months at a time... I was not successful at it. After we were married for 7 years I divorced my husband and moves away for 6 months. I saw what it was doing to our son and asked if we could get back together and we did. The following years, I devoted myself to being the best mom I could be and the best wife I could be.
Now I am on my own for the first time in my life at the wonderful age of 48. I have a fantastic, cozy little apartment that I just love. The friends that have come over say it suits me and that it reflects my personality of being eclectic, and that it is cozy.
Some people might think it kind of fast to start dating this early in my single life, but I really like companionship. Thanks to my sister I found a good online dating site and signed up. Honestly I never thought anything would come of it. One day I had an email from another member and we have seemed to hit it off. He is fun to be with, adventurous (which is a good thing), a great cook (he cleans up after himself), can carry on a conversation with me about other things than how my day was and school. He supports my goals and helps me stay focused. I really like this guy. We are going to "let nature take it's course" and see where our relationship goes. So far it has been a lot of fun.
One thing I did at the suggestion of my good friend Joy, is to write a list of 15 things I wanted in my next relationship... "D" has seen this list and wasn't thrown off by it at all... He said he was impressed that I took the time to think things out. I figure if you are reading this you might just be interested in seeing what this list is like so here goes...
Lori's 15 list
1. Romantic Someone who will " court" me... I know that is an old-fashioned term but I think it fits. I can't help it... I am a romantic at heart.
4. Stable (financially and emotionally) (I plan on being out of debt this year, other than my student loans.)
6. Have friends of his own (golf buddies, fishing buddies, ...) someone who can make friends and not rely on me to make friends for us...
7. Not someone who would worry if I had male friends. I have several.
8. Compassionate - Let me cry on their shoulder when I need to
9. Not the kind of person who gets in trouble ( with people or the law) I have never been in trouble a day in my life with the law. Well, I have had a ticket, which I deserved (California stop) but other than that nothing...
10. Honest ( I will not tolerate dishonesty, there is no room in a relationship for dishonesty)
11. Hard working
12. Able to have a conversation with me... I want someone to talk to at night
13. Passionate (about life and us)
14. Grounded – their life is balanced and they would balance me out and help me be grounded also. Spiritually grounded also.
15. Someone who will support me in my goals and dreams for my future... most other things I can give and take on...
It took me a lot of reflection to decide that these were the qualities I want in my next serious relationship. I have been surprised that as I get to know "D' more and understand who he is, he fits all of these except for one of them all the way. 14out of 15 is not bad... :)
I have been on a rocky road the past 9 years spiritually and am finally starting to find my footing again. I was in a Bible study at the time and it was focused on the first 4 chapters of Romans... you know, how bad we are... Well after 6 weeks of it, I was convinced I was bad and that there was no hope. I picked up my Bible and put it on the shelf and walked away. I didn't open it for 9 years... I just recently opened it and started reading some of my favorite verses and have found so much comfort i n them. I feel like I have been on a long journey in the wilderness... Sometimes God lets us go wandering. For me it was an exploration as to who I really am spiritually. For a period of time I returned to paganism and wicca, but upon exploring that path, I have determined it really is not who I am. There are things from that path I do believe in still, but who I really am is one of God's children. One of my friend who is pagan said it so well... She said that "I can choose what I believe in and what my values are but what it comes down to is where my heart is. " I truly believe in that. The emptiness I felt when I didn't have contact with God is gone and it feels like there is a hole that has been patched up. I still waver and waffle a bit, but I can almost see where I am supposed to be and it feels right. I know I am good and that God loves me for who I am. It doesn't matter to him what I was or am like, He just loves me.
So join me on this journey in figuring out who I am.